


Loveless Cybertron

by Polyhexian



Series: Scarborough Fair Continuity [5]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Ending Timeline, Established Relationship, Functionist Universe (Transformers), Grief, M/M, Memory Loss, POV Third Person, Post-Canon, scarborough fair compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polyhexian/pseuds/Polyhexian
Summary: Rewind has been trapped in his holoform for some time now as his mental functioning and memory deteriorates. On a day when Whirl visits and Rewind is having a memory slip where he believes he's Functionist Universe Rewind, he bolts in a panic to one of his prearranged meeting places from his time as a spy. Whirl knows one person who can help track him down.
Relationships: Brainstorm & Whirl (Transformers), Brainstorm/Chromedome/Rewind (Transformers), Rewind & Tailgate (Transformers), Tailgate/Whirl (Transformers)
Series: Scarborough Fair Continuity [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032567
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	Loveless Cybertron

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Scarborough Fair](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797821) by [Polyhexian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polyhexian/pseuds/Polyhexian). 
  * Inspired by [You know he dies at the end, right?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084603) by [Polyhexian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polyhexian/pseuds/Polyhexian). 



Whirl transformed as he descended, dust puffing up around his pedes as he landed on the front path to his friend's home. The sun was just overhead, making the crystal growths in the garden shimmer and sparkle. 

He rang the doorbell with one pincer, rocking back and forth on his pedes. After a moment, the door swung open, revealing a familiar minibot whose blank expression immediately spiralled into alarm as he looked up at him.

"You!" Rewind squeaked, and then slammed the door shut.

Whirl blinked his optic and stared at the door for a moment before he rang the doorbell again, but the door did not reopen. Whirl sighed and stepped back, transformed, and circled the house to land on the helipad in the back. He rapped on the door the led to Brainstorm's workshop on the second floor and hoped he hadn't wandered downstairs for lunch yet. 

The door cracked opened eventually and Brainstorm leaned out, leering suspiciously before he realized who it was and swung it open all the way. 

"You're later than I expected," his amica commented, stepping aside to Whirl in, "You're usually here bright and early on Defection Day."

"Yeah, well, some folk were hanging around my apartment all morning knockin' on the door and askin' me to come to the lantern thing," Whirl mumbled, "Had to wait 'till they left."

"Rude of them," Brainstorm replied, flipping off some machines that were running on his workbench, "Any particular reason you came around back?"

"Rewind opened the door, yelled, and then closed it again," Whirl commented dryly, "I assume he's having one of his days."

"Mmhmm," Brainstorm hummed, "Yes, well. Around functionist holidays he tends to get some wires crossed in his memories. At least it's not a DJD day." 

Whirl shivered, thinking about some of the DJD flashbacks he'd witnessed from the minibot in the past. They were never pleasant. 

"Chromedome at work?" Whirl asked.

"Yes, he went in early, as usual," Brainstorm confirmed, stepping past him and into the hall, "This day always brings a rash of crisis cases."

"Mmhmm," Whirl nodded, following the jet down the stairs, "Tell me about it."

"Rewind!" Brainstorm called into the living room. There was no response; the house was still.

"Remember last year when he tried to stab me?" Whirl chuckled.

Brainstorm side-eyed him, unimpressed. "Yes, well, his mirror's memories certainly associate a _reputation_ with you."

Whirl held up his claws placatingly. "Hey, I'm on his side! If I was a rebel ratio slave and the king cop showed up on my doorstep I'd try to shank him too. Morally correct decision based on the information he had at the time, I say."

"Next year call me when you're here," Brainstorm sighed, checking another room and frowning, "Rewind! Where are you!" Silence.

"Can't you ping him?" Whirl suggested.

"I could, but that won't tell me where his holoform is," Brainstorm grumbled, "His body's upstairs. We stopped letting him carry himself around last time he lost it. Took us _two days_ to find him."

"In the couch; I remember."

"Rewind, babe, where are you?" Brainstorm asked, touching an audial unconsciously. He frowned. "What do you mean never been? You were forged in Lower Petrohex. Do you not remem- hey!" Brainstorm looked up at Whirl. "He hung up on me!" 

"What did he say?" Whirl asked, a bad feeling beginning to brew in his circuits.

"He said 'in Lower Petrohex, where I lost my spark. I've never been before.' That doesn't make any sense! He was here two minutes ago!" Brainstorm fretted.

"Call him back, then!" 

Brainstorm hesitated, and then the energon drained from his faceplate. "He changed his comm frequency."

"He _what?_ " Whirl exclaimed, "Calm down, he's around here somewhere, he couldn't have gotten far!" 

The scramble began, tearing open cabinets, knocking over furniture, until Whirl checked outside the side door.

"Storm," he called back into the house, "I think we got a problem." 

Brainstorm appeared beside him, panting from exertion. He was really supposed to be staying low-activity with his weak spark. 

"Oh, fuck," Brainstorm cursed, staring at the fresh tire marks in the dirt, "He took the bike."

"Okay, okay, this is bad, but- but he'll probably come home or call for help at some point, right?" Whirl asked.

"He can't be running around miles away from his body!" Brainstorm cried, grabbing at his helm with his hands, "He'll die!"

"What?!" Whirl exclaimed, "But we've done that a million times!"

"Yeah, when he wasn't eight inches tall!" Brainstorm exclaimed, "The energy consumption is going to overwhelm his little spark in a matter of _hours._ " 

"Oh, fuck, oh, Primus," Whirl swore, starting to panic too, "Okay. Okay. What do we do, brainiac?!"

"I- you-" Brainstorm fumbled for a moment, wings flapping in frantic alarm, " _I_ have to try to rig up _something_ to increase his power retention, _you_ \- you try to find him, he hasn't had long-"

"He could have gone _any direction!"_

"Chromedome!" Brainstorm yelled, storming back inside toward the stairs, "You need to bail right now, I've completely lost control of the situation."

Whirl shut the door and transformed, picking up into the air high to scan the dispersing roads, but the urban sprawl was full of buildings that obscured his line of sight and an overwhelming amount of mechs coming and going in and out of alt that made it a pointless venture. He scanned up and down the closest roads as fast as his engine would let him, and by the fourth pass he had called Drift and Kroma to let them know what was going on and ask for help in the search. 

At the top of the hour, with everyone on full alert and still no Rewind to be found, Whirl transformed to his root and sat on the ground, helm buried in his claws. He needed a minute to pack down the growing panic before it took him over. He'd been out of the war too many years, and he was going soft, getting this upset about anything or anyone. 

Whirl _knew_ about Rewind's double, though. The Rewind forged on _this_ Cybertron was not so dissimilar from the one he knew. This Rewind, though, grew up in a world that wanted to kill him, and he'd adjusted accordingly. He'd become flightier, angrier, more passionate, more willing to pull the trigger. Whirl's Rewind was fortunate to have missed most of the war due to his historian status, this Rewind not so. He was a fighter. He was a _spy._ Whirl had a creeping terror that if he didn't want to be found, he would not be found.

He commed Brainstorm.

"Did you find him?!" his amica burst.

Whirl's fuel tank flipped. "No. Not yet. What are we looking at time wise?" 

"I think- I think maybe three hours," he answered. 

"Okay," Whirl answered hoarsely, "I'll keep looking."

Whirl cut his comm and hung his head in silence for a moment more, before he rose to his pedes, leapt into the air and transformed.

He landed with a thump outside the gate of a surprisingly modest home outside of the city in the country. The yard was brimming with Cybertron's rare flora and crystals that glimmered tranquilly, the whole estate surrounded by a forest. It was a deeply peaceful living space, one Whirl felt guilty to be tainting with his presence. He rang the doorbell.

It took more than a moment before it opened and Whirl felt his plating tighten without his instruction, spark pulse skipping a beat and ventilation's hitching. He'd never wanted to do this.

"I'm sorry," said Tailgate's doppelgänger, almost identical to the little waste disposal unit Whirl had once known, once cared about, all but for his opaque black visor, "I don't give speeches anymore. I want to spend this day alone."

Whirl wanted to answer, but his vocalizer wasn't responding, as if he'd suddenly forgotten how it worked.

"Hello?" Not-Tailgate asked, "Are you still there?"

"Hi," Whirl croaked.

"Can I help you?" the minibot prompted again, sounding annoyed.

"Yes, or, uh, well, I hope so- see, the thing is-"

"Wait," Tailgate interrupted him, voice suddenly hoarse, "Wait, I know you."

"I'm sorry," Whirl whispered, "You don't know me."

"Oh," Tailgate breathed, "You're _him_."

"I'm- I'm sorry to come like this, I never wanted to bother you," Whirl babbled, "But I think you're the only person who can help me, and I don't know what else to do, and-"

Tailgate reached for him, tiny arms outstretched upward, fingers splayed. "Please. Please, I need to- may I-"

Whirl leaned down and let the minibot touch his helm, gentle hands moving reverently across the metal. His ventilations hitched, shaking, before his legs wobbled and his knees gave out. Whirl followed him down, both of them kneeling together on the ground.

"It's _you_ ," Tailgate whispered, "It's really _you._ "

"I'm sorry," Whirl repeated uselessly, regretting coming, but the minibot hushed him and leaned forward, touching their foreheads together. "I'm not _him._ " 

"Shh," Tailgate repeated brokenly, "Please. Just a moment. I just need a moment. Just one single moment where it's real."

Whirl was silent, frozen solid like alabaster until the minibot drew back, his hands falling away.

"This was a mistake," Whirl said, scrambling to his pedes, "I am _so_ sorry, I'll go, I promise not to bother you again."

"No, god, please wait!" Tailgate cried, "Please, please don't go yet. What did you need? Please."

Standing a turbofox length away on the front path, Whirl hesitated, unable to move further in either direction. The minibot had collapsed to his hands and knees and was looking out blindly at him with a desperation Whirl hadn't seen in decades, and never for him. 

"My Rewind is missing," Whirl told him, and winced at the way his shoulders sank, "He gets these episodes where he mixes things up and forgets what year it is- his brain's all blended up with _your_ Rewind's and I think- I think he thinks he's him, today, and I need to find him. Before he gets hurt."

Tailgate sat up. "His brain's mixed up?"

"Yeah, like-" Whirl thought about it for a moment, "His database. He's got some kinda funky entropy clone stuff going on, and his database got all weird when we changed universes. He's got this universe's Rewind's memories in there."

"He has his memories," Tailgate repeated, "And he thinks he's him?"

Whirl nodded and then felt bad for having done so. "Yeah."

Tailgate stood up. "...Alright. So, what happened? He ran off?"

Whirl took a few steps closer. "Yeah. So I went over to him and his junxy's place today, and-"

"His conjunx?" Tailgate repeated, and then shook his head, "No. Don't tell me. Go on."

"I knocked on the door and he opened it, yelled 'you!' at me and then slammed the door shut. I went around back and when I came in he'd already bolted. Took a motorcycle."

"Did you call him? Did he say anything?"

"Oh, yeah," Whirl narrowed his optic in thought for a moment, "Storm called him and asked where he was and he said he was in Lower Petrohex."

Tailgate straightened up. "What were his exact words?"

"In Lower Petrohex, where I lost my spark," Whirl repeated, "I've never been before."

"That's one of our codes," Tailgate murmured, "He really does have his memories."

"So you know where he is?!" Whirl cried.

"I have an idea. But- I think I should come with you."

Whirl hesitated. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I think if I don't he might shoot someone," Tailgate admitted, "Maybe even himself. You- fly, right?"

Whirl thought for a moment, debating on what he should do. Silently, he transformed into his alt and was surprised at how naturally and smoothly the minibot walked forward and climbed into his cockpit. 

"I'll airdrop you the coordinates now," Tailgate told him as he lifted off into the air. 

"Didn't you usually meet outside the titanium depot?" Whirl asked.

"How do you know that?"

"Oh, uh," Whirl stammered, "I watched the movie."

Tailgate snorted cynical laughter. "Ah. Yes. That. It's a little bit dramatized- a lot dramatized."

"Oh, yeah, I figured," Whirl responded, "Especially when Whirl started crying. Since I can't do that, and all."

"I told them that!" Tailgate chuckled, "They did what they wanted."

"It was a hard watch," Whirl admitted, "I started and stopped it a couple times before I finished it."

Tailgate was silent for a moment. "If one of us was compromised we would fall back to a different meeting place. We had a contact in the old clocktower that would hide people before they could be extracted. I'm sure that's where he's headed."

"Oh! I know that place. I used to live near there." 

"Really?" asked Tailgate, "Were you- a watchmaker?"

"For a little while," Whirl answered, "I'm a nurse now."

"A nurse?" Tailgate repeated in surprise, "You?"

"Oh, yeah," Whirl replied, "I mean I _did_ go to medical school at one point. It was super specialized stuff, but it was medical. I only needed a few more classes before I was like, a real medical professional. I work at a free clinic with a couple of old friends of mine."

"That's wonderful…" Tailgate murmured, "He would have loved that."

Whirl felt uncomfortable. "We're here."

He landed nearby and let Tailgate out before he transformed. The minibot reached a hand up toward him, and Whirl stared at it for a moment, fighting with himself before he slipped a claw into his palm and pulled him along beside him toward the base of the clocktower. 

Tailgate led Whirl around the back and then ran his hand along the wall until he found the keypad. He punched in a string of numbers and Whirl heard the lock click open. The minibot pushed in the door and stepped inside.

Whirl followed him in silence as he navigated through the darkness as if the corridors and stairwells were as familiar as his own home, and then stopped in a windowless room that seemed identical to all of the other windowless rooms they had passed.

"Across the world, through night and day," Tailgate said into the shadows, motionless. There was a moment of silence before Whirl heard Rewind's voice answer back.

"I have searched for you, my love, in vain," Rewind replied, somewhere in the dark, echoing room.

"My spark shall never pulse the same," Tailgate answered without hesitation.

"Now that you, my love, have gone away," Rewind finished, stepping out of the shadows. He had a gun raised in unshaking hands and trained specifically on Whirl, optics intensely focused.

"Don't shoot him," Tailgate said, but Rewind didn't lower his weapon, "He's with me."

"Is he your contact?" Rewind asked.

"He was," Tailgate replied, and held out his hand, "Give me the gun, Rewind."

"What? Why?" 

"You're confused. Your judgement is compromised. You have to trust me."

Whirl looked over at Tailgate, hand out, visor black, holding himself with an insane level of authority that Whirl could hardly associate with the minibot he knew. 

Rewind hesitated, and then gave him the gun. "I don't know what's going on. No one is answering my comms. There are strangers everywhere. I can't find Dominus. What's happening, Tailgate?"

Tailgate subspaced the weapon and took Rewind's hands. "You're having a psychotic episode. It's been many years since I worked in The Cog. You have memory problems, Rewind."

Whirl started to speak, alarmed by the abruptness of Tailgate's reply and how Rewind would almost definitely panic- but instead, Rewind's visor lit up and his shoulders sank.

"Oh," was all he said. 

"It's alright," Tailgate reassured him, "I've come to get you. Like I promised."

"I knew you would. I gotta tell you, Teeg," Rewind said shakily, "I don't feel well."

"That's cuz you're not here," Whirl interjected, and Rewind glanced at him suspiciously, "You're in your holoform, mate. You're stretching too far and eating through energon like there's no tomorrow. You gotta power your hologram generator down or you're gonna bite the big one."

"What?" Rewind responded, "That's insane. I'm not even that far from where I started. Why would I even be in holoform?"

"He's telling the truth," Tailgate said, "Rewind, you have to."

Rewind looked back at him, scrunching up his optical display in confusion, and then he looked to the side in thought. A moment later he fizzled out into light particles and vanished, leaving Tailgate and Whirl alone.

"You didn't know I was telling the truth," Whirl commented, "I didn't tell you that part."

"But you were," Tailgate murmured. 

"...Yeah," said Whirl, awkwardly. He was interrupted by his comm ringing.

"Whirl! Holy slag, Whirl, he came back on his own!" Brainstorm exclaimed.

"That's great!" Whirl answered, "Keep an eye on him this time, huh?"

"God, you know it. I'll see you when you're back."

"Yeah," answered Whirl, hanging up his comm. He was plunged back into interminable silence.

"I can take a taxi home," Tailgate said eventually, "You can go back to your friend."

"No, no, I'll take you home," Whirl assured him, offering him a claw again, "It's the least I can do."

"Thank you," Tailgate murmured, and led him back out of the tower. 

The flight home was done in silence, heavy and untouchable. He touched down where he had started the trip, Tailgate's house in the country. 

"Are you here," Whirl said as Tailgate stepped away from him, towards his front door, "Alone?"

"Yes," Tailgate replied, "It's peaceful."

Whirl hesitated. "Isn't today… sort of a hard day for you?"

Tailgate shrugged, still facing away from him. Whirl fidgeted, scissoring his pincers together.

"He died today," Whirl continued.

"Don't," Tailgate whispered, "I know you aren't _him_ . But I can't handle hearing you tell me about your conjunx or Rewind's conjunx or whatever life you're living without me in _his_ voice. I can't. I'm sorry."

"I don't have a conjunx," Whirl replied. Tailgate twitched.

"That might be worse," he said, voice hoarse, and then left, opening the door and disappearing into his home. Whirl looked away, guilt in his spark. He thought, for the second time that day, that he'd become soft without a war to wage, that he'd traded in the insulation of his anger for a sickening _vulnerability_ that he constantly wondered if he actually wanted.

He flew back to Brainstorm's in somber silence.

"Get in here, dummy!" Brainstorm huffed as soon as Whirl knocked on the door, "On his own, huh!" 

"Where is he?" Whirl prompted, glancing around. Brainstorm grimaced.

"He's upstairs," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "He just looked himself up and found out he's supposed to be dead. Him and Dominus. He's not taking it well."

"He's not alone, is he?"

"Chromedome is with him," Brainstorm reassured him, "I didn't want to crowd him. I also knew you would be back soon."

"Oh, yeah?" Whirl sniffed, "And what's to do about it, huh?"

Brainstorm eyed him for a moment, optics tracking as if reading a book. "You asked mirror Tailgate for help."

Whirl shifted on his pedes and turned away. "I did."

"Are you okay?" Brainstorm prompted, following him around the kitchen and into the living room proper, "That had to be hard for you."

"It was fine. We found the camcorder."

"Don't bullshit me, Whirl, come on," Brainstorm insisted, dragging the helicopter over to and then down on the couch, "Talk to me."

"Don't know what to say," Whirl admitted, "He was different than I expected. Different than our Teeg. I think I really fucked him up by coming by and I feel- eugh- _bad_ about that."

Brainstorm nodded. "Well, he had a pretty intense life, from what I've seen."

"I get the feeling he sort of thinks he was supposed to die a long time ago and didn't," Whirl murmured, "Like he doesn't know what he's supposed to do now. Like he finished everything he set out to do and he's just… _waiting._ "

"Waiting for what?"

"For something to change. To die, maybe. I'm not sure."

Brainstorm let the moment lapse into silence and then pulled his amica down to rest his head against his shoulder. "Thank you," he said quietly, "I know that was a big deal for you."

"Hey, he's my friend, too," Whirl huffed, "I ain't gonna let the little guy eat it just cuz I'm too pussyfoot to talk to my double's widow."

"I read in his biography they weren't technically conjunx," Brainstorm replied, "Didn't do the first Act."

"That might be worse."

"For you? Almost definitely."

Whirl stayed like that for some time, minutes passing him like water, uncounted, and at some point he slipped into recharge. When he woke again, hours had passed and Brainstorm had gone, the shoulder he was leaning on missing. He rolled over on the couch to face the back of it, burying his optic in the cushion and wishing the universe would simply consume him when he noticed an unread messages on his HUD.

 _I lied,_ the message began, _I want to know about your life. I desperately want to know who you are and how you came to be yourself. How you know Rewind, how you ended up on Cybertron, what your war was like. Who you have loved and been loved by, the worlds you've seen and skies you've flown in. I want to know everything about you._

_I'm sorry. I'm weak. I don't want to make my problems yours. I don't want you to feel my projection on your back. I didn't want to bother you- didn't want to know where you were or who you were at all. I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to resist doing this- but I have to. I want to know you so badly._

_Tailgate of Rivet's Field_

Whirl read it and reread it, and scissored his claws together in silence, pondering his response. He didn't even know how he'd gotten his _frequency._ Some kind of spy trick? Whirl was insatiably curious. 

Eventually, he opened up a response.

_im nothing special. im just an unpopular soldier for a war thats over. rewind is my amicas conjunx. we spent some time on the same ship together for awhile. i aint no kinda hero to nobody like your guy was. sorry to disappoint. aint much to know_

_whirl_

The response came almost immediately.

_Of course you're special. Everyone is. You don't need to be a hero or some world changing martyr to deserve to be happy, to be known. Some of the most important people in my life died namelessly. They won't be remembered by anyone but me, but I will remember them every day._

_I would like to know you, Whirl. Very much so. You aren't him, I know that, but you are who he would have been. I want to know who that is. Selfishly, I want you to know me in kind._

_Meet me for lunch tomorrow?_

_Tailgate of Rivet's Field_

Whirl sighed, tilting his helm to look at the clock on the wall, one he'd made. It was late, the see hours of the morning. 

_id like that._

_whirl_


End file.
